I was 26 years old when I started IVF and although the journey was difficult emotionally and physically, it was the best thing I have ever experienced as it led me to falling pregnant with my son.  My miracle baby - something I had wished for all my life.

I’ve only ever wanted to be a mother. My pregnancy was the most beautiful experience, and I was lucky enough to have had an easy and calming experience. 

The absolute shock to my body and mind after giving birth was not what I expected. My labour was long and my birth was traumatic. My body went into shock and I started to have convulsions with a fever of 42 degrees. I felt like I was blacking out constantly. I held my baby for about one minute before he went to my husband. I was so hot and still had a fever over 40 degrees and as the nurses were tending to me, I was freaking out. For about two hours, I wasn’t able to hold my baby. I was exhausted.

Following the birth, the connection I had felt for my baby was gone. I had visitor after visitor and all were excited by my baby’s arrival but I was still recovering physically, and the mental load of recovery had started to sink in. I was exhausted and didn’t have it in me to speak up when my baby was being passed around from family member to family member. The resentment towards the visitors and the pain of not feeling that instant connection towards my baby was eating me alive.

Coming home I struggled, I didn’t know what I was doing or if I was doing anything right. The postpartum anxiety started to settle in and I was constantly scared. I was battling with my physical and mental recovery so I asked all family members who didn’t live with me to leave me alone for six weeks. 

My husband was like my lifeline during the postpartum period. He helped however he could, when I was mentally not present he was there to support not only me but our baby. My recovery had everything to do with my husband being present and understanding what I was going through. He is truly the reason why I am where I am today.  He gave me the time and patience I needed when I was at my lowest.

My mother was a huge help as well, she did all the cooking and cleaning, and helped me navigate through this hard time. She made me feel like what I was going through wasn’t unusual and I wasn’t crazy.

I am the best mother I can be to my son because of the support I received from my husband and mother.

When I look back, the hardest part for me was being so excited and so happy to welcome my baby into the world but I didn’t think about the possibility of experiencing postpartum anxiety and depression. It was the most overwhelming and terrifying experience that I have ever mentally and physically been through.

I want mothers to know that they are not alone; we are much stronger than we think; and with the right support it will get better. My son is the most loving, beautiful soul I have ever met and I would do it all again.