Baby & Infant Death

The sudden, or not so sudden death of a baby or infant can be devastating and overwhelming for their parents and families. Their future has changed forever, yet this unexpected change requires them to somehow cope with a strange new sort of “normal”.

Grieving parents may find themselves analysing and replaying every moment in the last few hours or days of their baby’s life, searching for answers. Infant death can also affect siblings, grandparents, extended family members, friends, colleagues and their perinatal health care professionals.

About Baby and Infant Death in Australia

Neonatal death

Each year, there are around 800 Neonatal deaths in Australia. Some of those babies die immediately or soon after birth, while others may spend some days or weeks in a hospital’s neonatal intensive care unit. The cause of their death is not always known, but they may be at greater risk if they are born prematurely, have a low birth weight, or have a serious medical condition. Neonatal death may also be related to pregnancy or labour complications.

Sudden Unexpected Death in infancy (SUDI)

SUDI is a term used to identify the deaths of apparently healthy infants who would be expected to thrive, yet, for reasons often unknown, die suddenly and unexpectedly in the first year of life. After an autopsy is performed, these deaths are generally found to have an explained cause such as infant illness, a sleep accident or inflicted injury.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)

SIDS is a term used to identify the death of an infant in the first year of life where there is no identifiable cause following autopsy. The incidence of SIDS has more than halved in recent years due to public health campaigns addressing known major risk factors such as prone sleeping, passive smoking and overheating.

Baby Death

Parents may also lose their baby beyond the first year of life, due to illness, accident or other circumstances.

‍

Possible Symptoms

Parents who have experienced losing a baby may describe a range of symptoms including:

Permanent quilt or questioning whether or not they could have done something to prevent their baby’s death
Guilt that they did not sense something was wrong
Initial state of shock
Distress caused by police attendance, coronial involvement and autopsy processes
Post-traumatic symptoms caused by discovering their baby’s body
Making funeral arrangements
Explaining to other children or siblings
Wondering what to tell their friends, family or work colleagues
Coping with others’ grief responses as well as their own
Feeling disconnected from the world around them
Flashbacks
Lactating, with no baby to feed
De-briefing opportunities with the hospital or medical staff involved
Finding ways to create memories
Physical responses such as still feeling pregnant, loss of appetite, headaches, stomach aches and sleep issues
Managing work demands and negotiating parental leave

A more comprehensive list of symptoms related to grief and loss and support can be found on our bereavement page.‍‍‍

‍

Ongoing symptoms of an infant or baby death include:

Having tears behind every smile
Not wanting to see people
Finding small talk difficult
Avoiding people on the street
Noticing every baby around them
Avoiding playgrounds
Feeling they will never “get over” the loss
Finding silence deafening
Needing to find ways to honour their baby's death every year
Lacking energy or motivation for self-care
Experiencing persistent nightmares and disturbed sleep
Struggling with how awkward other people are about their loss.

Everyone responds differently to loss, and grief can change over time.

‍

Ideas that can help

Ideas that can help parents through the loss of a baby or infant:

Create memories and take time to be with the baby at the hospital or at home, to treasure them long after the goodbye
Take photos, or ask someone else to
Make handprints or footprints
Write a journal
Hold and cuddle the baby
Ask hospital staff for a quiet room with a sign on the door limiting disturbances
Ask family members, siblings or friends to attend the hospital for support
Try to have as many parenting experiences as possible: stay with them, bath them, dress them and take photos
Ask to take the placenta home and bury it
Attend a support group
Take care of the non-birthing partner and support each other
Engage in cultural, spiritual or religious practices
Plant a tree
Create a keepsake box containing meaningful reminders such as photos, clothing, ID bracelets or other special items

‍

Some ideas that can help parents after losing a baby or infant:

Find ways to create an ongoing bond or connection with the pregnancy or the baby who died. This may include regular rituals and acknowledging birthdays, anniversaries and other milestones. This allows for healing and honours a parent’s continuing connection with their baby
Share photos and say their name
Talk to a doctor or other healthcare professional to gain further understanding of the possible medical causes for the loss or baby’s death
Nurture the relationship between the mother and non-birthing partner
Seek support from family, friends or others who have been through a similar loss
Seek counselling, peer support, support groups or online groups
Speak to a Manager or workplace HR Manager about bereavement leave
Don’t feel rushed. There is no time frame for grief or getting pregnant again. Take time to think and talk all of this through.

Grief is difficult, and it takes a long time to adjust to this type of loss. Be patient and reach out to professional support services as soon as it's needed.

‍