I met the mother of my children when I was 28 and she was 19. Our relationship blossomed quickly, and after dating for only three months, she became pregnant. We decided to keep the baby and move in together to build a life as a family.

Looking back, I recognised that I didn’t rise to the occasion as a partner or an expectant father. I struggled to mature fast enough to cope with the rapid progression of the pregnancy. When my son was born, I was consumed by a demanding job that required long hours. I worked six days a week, leaving home at around 6am and returning after 6pm. This left little room for me to prepare for fatherhood.

In my spare time, I sought comfort with friends, unwinding from work, believing this was what men did, as it was what my father and brothers did. I realise now that growing up I didn’t have the role models I needed and my childhood had been turbulent, lacking a solid family structure. I didn’t realise then that these behaviours weren’t what my partner and children needed from me.

After my son’s birth, we got engaged and began planning for our second child. But during this time, I struggled with alcohol and drug dependency, spiralling into binges that would last for months, followed by brief periods of sobriety. I didn’t fully grasp the toll these behaviours were taking on me and my family. My cycle of dependency continued until my second son was two and a half, at which point the children’s mother, overwhelmed, ended our relationship in 2016. 

In January 2017, we reconnected, and she became pregnant with our third son. However, we decided not to rekindle our relationship, and my attempts to fix what I had broken often worsened the situation. We agreed to co-parent, but my job continued to demand most of my time, leaving child-rearing primarily to the boys’ mother. Although I recognised my shortcomings, I wasn’t yet taking active steps to make amends.

By 2018, I began to take more responsibility for my children. In 2019, I took my eldest son to Greece to explore our family roots. This trip led to an agreement with the boys’ mother that I would take each son to Greece at age seven for four weeks for one-on-one time. This positive development prompted the children’s mother to move back in with me to enhance our co-parenting efforts. However, upon returning from Greece, I relapsed into substance abuse, creating turmoil for everyone involved. Eventually, an intervention order was taken out against me, a moment I describe as when ‘the penny dropped’. I realised I had a serious addiction problem, but also that I needed to confront my past traumas.

I credit the support services I found during this time for setting me on the path to recovery. The people I met through these programs played a crucial role in my transformation. My journey began at in-crisis accommodation, where I joined a parenting program. This six-week program was a revelation, helping me understand the impact of my actions on my children and forcing me to reflect on my own upbringing.

After some challenging nights, I reached out to Lifeline, where I learned valuable strategies for managing stress and anxiety—tools I had never considered before. These conversations opened the door for me to share my childhood experiences, which I had kept buried due to past disbelief and a lack of support.

Over the following year, I sought counselling to confront these issues and attended programs with other men who had faced similar challenges. This shared experience became a source of strength for me. I now facilitate a virtual men’s group, creating a supportive community where men can lean on one another as they worked through their past and aspire to become better fathers and partners.