I had my dichorionic diamniotic (DCDA) twin girls at 31+4, which involved an ambulance ride with lights and sirens to a hospital an hour and a half away and a significant postpartum haemorrhage for myself, as well as my girls ending up in NICU.

Both twins had some medical complications whilst in NICU and Special Care, and all spent 52 days in the hospital before being cleared to come home. While they were in there, my mental health was as good as it could be; what I didn't realise was that this was the beginning of my PND and PNA.

It wasn't until my girls came home that the reality of what we had been through, combined with the sleep deprivation that comes with bringing home two premature newborns, hit me like a freight train.

I was struggling with my emotions, constantly crying and feeling like I wasn't doing the right things by my girls. This culminated in an intrusive self-harm thought at 3 am one morning, which prompted me to reach out through my community health worker to a social worker, who, in turn, with my GP, referred me to Gidget Foundation Australia.

Since commencing counselling sessions with a Gidget Clinician in October 2023, I am learning how to accept, normalise and manage my PND and PNA so I can be the best mum I can be to my girls.

Through my counselling, I am unlearning my bad childhood experiences and learning that my feelings and emotions are valid and routine and how to manage and express these in healthy ways, as well as how to pass these critical skills onto my girls as they grow up.

Do not get me wrong, I still have bad days, but there are not as many, and I am learning the tools I need to manage them in a healthy way.