I'm learning that it's ok to ask for help and that there is no perfect formula to being a mother.

After the birth of my first daughter, it felt like my world turned upside down. I had an identity crisis. I knew that if I was going to have another baby, I would need professional support to help me deal with my past birth trauma and to understand the fear and anxiety I had felt when becoming a first-time mum.

Before becoming pregnant I loved to spend a lot of time on my hobbies. At the time I loved to dance which was my main social activity. I even danced through my pregnancy close to giving birth. Dancing was my place to unwind and feel connected within a community of people.

I had a lot of anxiety anticipating the birth of my first child and what my life would be like after giving birth.

My birth was traumatic, I had some health problems after and I was dealing with a lot of emotions. I was highly emotional and reactive from the lack of sleep, lack of confidence, stress and feeling unwell. I didn't have time for myself like before. My body was also not as capable as it used to be.

It was difficult adapting to the change in my relationship. We weren't communicating well and we disagreed about a lot of things to do with our daughter. I tried to be an independent mother but I lacked confidence.

My baby daughter cried a lot which I found very difficult to cope with. My anxiety would rise because of the sound of her crying, and I felt so helpless because I didn't know how to soothe her and make her happy. I was fearful to leave the house because I thought she would cry, and I wouldn't know how to comfort her.

Some days I couldn't stop crying. I felt so alone. I felt like no one understood me. Before being a mother, I had so many friends but most of them weren't parents and therefore didn't understand what I was going through. Over time they started drifting away and I struggled to find a community of people I could connect with to share my motherhood journey.

I was so confused. I had a beautiful child, and I thought this was supposed to be the best moment of my life, but I wasn't enjoying it as much as I thought I should. It was difficult and I felt guilty that I wasn’t happy all the time and questioned how I could have days that I dreaded being a mother. I felt a heavy load of responsibility. I had so many ideas of what a mother was meant to be, and I wasn't living up to my expectations. I found it difficult to ask for help. I felt ashamed to ask. I thought I would be less of a mother if I didn't do it all.

My mother and mother-in-law seemed to have so much confidence when caring for my daughter. I couldn’t understand why I didn't have those qualities, and I believed I wasn't good enough at being a mother. I continued to feel these feelings, but milder, as the years went on.

When we decided to have another baby I was scared. Scared of going through the same intense emotions again. I had done a lot of work on myself and on my relationship, and I was scared that if I was to have another baby I would go backwards. I had healed some things, but I was still holding onto some of the trauma I had when my daughter was young.

My partner and I really wanted a sibling for our daughter and thought it was worth the risk because we really wanted to see her experience a sibling by her side for life.

I had heard about Gidget Foundation Australia but didn't use the services with my first daughter.  When I was pregnant with our second child, I decided I needed to reach out for help to prevent the same thing happening again.

I contacted the hospital straight away to let them know that I had mental health challenges with my first daughter. I knew that I hadn't recovered properly from my first birth, but I didn't realise how much trauma I was still holding.

From the first appointment with Gidget Foundation Australia, I knew I had made the right decision. My clinician was amazing, she was so professional, but she also felt like a friend. She gave me so many resources that helped me understand how to communicate better with my partner as well as other relationships in my life that I was struggling with.

We talked through the trauma I had faced with the birth of my first child and she helped me understand the emotions that I had felt. She made me feel validated and I didn't feel so crazy for having the feelings that I had. She gave me confidence to ask for help when I needed to take care of myself and understand that asking for help is healthy and I don't need to be the one to do it all. She listened without judgement which I hadn't experienced since having my daughter.

She taught me how to express myself as I thought that not speaking up to avoid conflict was the answer. I didn’t believe I could make good parenting decisions, and I always looked for validation from others. I was still holding on to these emotions up until my second pregnancy.

My Gidget Clinician taught me so much and I gained so many practical skills. She had amazing resources for me, and I finally felt understood.  With my first daughter a GP had referred me to a psychologist but that didn't work as I felt they didn't understand me, so I stopped the sessions.

My Gidget Clinician felt different and specialised with my experience. I am so grateful to Gidget Foundation Australia, they have changed my life and helped me to have a better-quality of life with my family filled with so much more joy. We still have difficult moments, but I feel much clearer with knowing how to get through them.