Lisa
If I could go back and tell my pregnant self anything, it would be this: You are not failing, you are doing your absolute best, and you deserve support that sees all of you.
No one told me how disorienting becoming a mother would be. I didn’t feel the joy I expected during pregnancy. Instead, I felt increasingly disconnected - from other people and from myself.
I felt ashamed for not feeling the joy I thought I ‘should’ feel when pregnant. I isolated myself and the isolation made everything worse.
During my pregnancy, I felt numb, disconnected and alone. My mental health declined and at four months pregnant, I became a patient in a mental health facility for five weeks.
And then my beautiful son arrived. If my pregnancy was about depression, early motherhood was about anxiety. I was anxious about the smallest things and at the time I thought I was failing. Later, I understood it was anxiety. And even later, I realised something deeper had shifted - I felt like I didn’t know myself anymore.
I joined a mother’s group, which was a turning point. The friendships, the routine, the intimacy of new mums sitting in the same parks carried me. And slowly, my anxiety let me breathe again. I also found a psychologist and psychiatrist who were the right support for me. And I’ve since learnt to give myself grace.