Joy
The little losses can still trigger big grief and needing professional help to navigate that is perfectly ok.
It's taken me some time to piece together this story because my experience of perinatal depression feels like a long time ago, and my memories of it are fragmented and distant.
There's one vivid memory that was the trigger for seeking support. I was driving along a highway with my newborn in the back seat, when I started to cry for no reason I could name. An overwhelming feeling of sadness started to rise in my chest.
The first thing I thought was: "Ok… this isn't normal." What followed was a postpartum check-up that ticked every physical box but never once asked how I was really going. When I finally told my GP I was sad and didn't know why, he looked at me with kindness and said, "Why would it be silly to be struggling?" My heart instantly lifted.
Therapy helped me unravel the outrageous expectations I was putting on myself and the impact that cultural norms had on my completely unrealistic expectations of motherhood. Seeking help reminded me I was not alone and that with support and time, the power and destructiveness of depression wanes.